Resolutions

It's five days in to 2009 and I'm reflecting on new beginnings, new chances, and lessons yet to be learned. I found out on one of the last days of 2008 that my 87 year-old Grandfather ("Morfar" to everyone my age who knows him) suffered a massive stroke. This is the second stroke he's had since the summer, prior to which he had no significant health problems and was, as far as I could tell, strong and vital as a man half his age. The last time I saw him, he tried to arm-wrestle me. Probably the only noticeable indication that he was an old man was the way he drove a car, with very little cognizance of the flow of traffic or rules of the road. But other than that, he was about as sharp and healthy as anyone could ever hope to be at his age. He was quite intimidating; I spent most of my childhood being slightly terrified of him. Needless to say, it's incredibly hard for me to imagine him now, unable to speak or feed himself, let alone walk on his own. Even though he was generally a very dire and serious person, particularly around his family, he always had this little skip in his stride and could do the Russian Bear Dance well into his 70's. I've shed a few tears about it, but it all seems so unreal that it's impossible to appreciate the full weight of what's going on.

So it's a strange way to start a new year, being vaguely aware of a life ending as mine feels like it's only just finally gotten started. Right now the sunset is blazing through the window of my downtown apartment, and I just plugged in the Christmas tree. It's warm and wonderful in here, and in spite of the small, tugging hint of sadness that persists,  I feel good. I feel secure with myself and my ability to get things done. I cleaned the whole house and burned sage, driving spiritual cobwebs out of corners and closets, blessing every wall and doorway. Tomorrow I'll start my second Trimester at AAAOM with a clean house and a clean slate. 

I would like this to be the year that I finally make progress on a few self-improvement projects that I've been struggling with since adolescence. I'm pleased with my efforts at school and my devotion to study, but I really do need to put pressure on myself to move forward in these other areas. 

1) This will be the year that I finally become fully comfortable driving myself around. At this point, it's only fear that keeps me from venturing out in an automobile in the city. I don't think I'll ever love driving, but I can do it and I should be more willing to do it.

2) This will be the year that I adhere to a workout routine. Last year I made huge steps forward and worked out more than I ever have in the past, but I didn't consistently challenge myself. If I want to get stronger or increase my endurance (or wear shorts without feeling jiggly), I have to be willing to make more of an effort. 

3) This will be the year that I learn to play an instrument well enough to play along with other members of a band. I'm getting there, but I have to keep pushing myself through those frustrating plateaus where I don't feel like I'm getting any better. 

Aside from these three goals, my only other resolution is to stay positive and not surrender myself to frustration or irritation. School is going to be challenging this year as I work hard to keep up the pace necessary to finish in under 4 years. I have to keep my eye on the prize at all times and be optimistic! 

Smaller resolutions:

1) Learn to read Tarot cards

2) Improve my posture

3) Learn to make a website with Dreamweaver

4) Send more letters

That's all for now! I'm off to scrounge up some dinner. 

Midterm Update

I would have liked to blog more since starting school almost two months ago, but I'm still learning how to balance my present loves with my future plans. Trying to finish four years of school in three years is (surprise) pretty demanding. Although I'm no less passionate about my choice than I was when I started, sometimes it's hard not to groan about the amount of information I'm expected to cram into my weary brain -- even though it's stuff that I do enjoy learning. And because I chose full-time school over school and a part-time job, I feel a little guilty whenever I choose to devote an evening to just taking it easy. Yet, I have been able to find some time for activities that aren't entirely related to school.

Right now I'm experimenting with a "diet" that started as a cleanse and evolved into... well... something else. I'm going vegan for the next ten days, avoiding white flour and refined sugar, and I'm not eating anything from a box. I've also sworn off coffee and beer in favor of red wine and tea. So far, it's been a fun experiment. I've been living on vegetables, fruit, rice, and bread baked from scratch. I've discovered that kale is delicious, in spite of the fact that it's just a humble leaf. And I've been trying to eat seasonal produce when it's available, like nuts and squash and apples and beans.

I celebrated Mabon (the Autumn Equinox) with Travis, and made my own incense. Perhaps it's nerdy to be into Pagan holidays, but I've decided that, at this point in my life, it's no use trying to deny the things I'm into that others may find hippy-ish/nerdy/odd, like listening to CD's of Irish drinking songs, arranging my furnitures according to the principles of feng shui, reading Neil Gaiman's "Sandman" series while on the treadmill, absinthe, Alfred Lord Tennyson, miniatures, and astrology. I've been trying to embrace my love for the things that cross the line between "so dorky it's cool" and "just plain dorky." I've also been trying to share my passion with other people (that is, when I actually have the opportunity to talk to people outside of school). Especially Traditional Chinese Medicine. People from all walks of life have at least heard of it and most are curious about how it works. And I'm delighted to share what little I've learned so far. In the near future, I'd like to post a blog about it.

Manifesto, of Sorts

Welcome, Gentle Reader, to my Blog.

In spite of my initial scorn for blogging sites, I have found, time and again, that some of the most interesting content on the Internet is indeed found on people's blogs. The voyeur in me treasures the opportunity to gaze into the lives of others, to read the anonymous advice of a stranger, to garner inspiration from the countless art projects and recipes that they kindly post for all to see, be it out of some genuine sense of altruism or some inflated sense of self-importance. Yesterday, I spent 10 minutes looking at a photo montage someone had posted of their family making pickles. Today, I read a study some psych undergrad was conducting in order to see if cell phone use was having any impact on election polling. I usually come to a blog via search-engine looking for a recipe or a bit of information, but occasionally I'll stay and just read a while, especially if the blogger lives on a farm or has a massive garden.

So why am I here? Maybe it's because I feel that I have some helpful information worth sharing. Maybe I just need a place where I can be completely open about what a crazy new-age hippie/Earth nerd I actually am, underneath this indie rock exterior. Maybe I'd like to connect with some others like me. Though I don't expect much to come of my blogging, I do promise that I'll never post any poetry on here, or ask you to suffer through awkward descriptions of anything deeply personal.

But I guess I should get a little bit personal, just to let the blogging world know a bit about who I am. I recently enrolled at The American Academy of Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine in Roseville, Minnesota. It's one of the first programs of its kind, designed to provide aspiring American acupuncturists with an education as comprehensive and complete as what's offered in China. Most of the professors are from China, have their PhD's in Traditional Chinese Medicine, and practice in the clinic at the Academy. Though the master's program is pretty rigorous and takes 4 years to get through, I doubt it's half as demanding as a Chinese program, where a person has to be a certified MD to practice.

You may be wondering how it could take 4 years to learn how to stick needles in people, but Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) is so much more than just acupuncture. In every Chinese province, there are two main hospitals: one that offers Western Medicine and one that offers TCM. Both play different but equally important roles in the community, and both are considered equally legitimate. Western Medicine is used more for catastrophic injury and acute illness, while the TCM hospital helps patients suffering from chronic illnesses, degenerative diseases, functional problems that diminish quality of life, and illnesses that manifest with a variety of seemingly unrelated symptoms -- in other words, patients whose Western doctors can't find anything wrong. It's my belief that this latter category of patients, the ones that would be treated with TCM methods in China, tend to be overlooked and brushed aside here in the United States. If, years after an injury, a patient still suffers from pain, they are usually told to "take Tylenol" and just deal with it. The injury has been treated and thus, the Western doctor has played his or her role. TCM is patient-based rather than illness-based, meaning that the treatment doesn't stop until the patient feels better.

The practitioner of Chinese Medicine has to be willing to act as a coach, a teacher, and a counselor as well as a doctor. Getting better involves so much more than just handing out pills. An obese person with high blood pressure, Type 2 Diabetes, sleep apnea and lower back pain may come to the clinic to be treated only for the back pain, but their health will never fully improve until they lose weight. The TCM doctor has to be willing to offer the tools necessary to help this individual change their entire lifestyle. This usually means spending more than 10 minutes with a patient. This is the main reason that Chinese Medicine appeals to me.

My life, however, is more than just studying Chinese Medicine. Okay, it's not too much more right now, but I also love cooking, gardening, making things by hand, playing music, and occasionally watching really awful television programs like Montel Williams. I spend most of my time thinking about how I can obtain a sense of peace in my own life. I like to try to live in harmony with the natural rhythm of the Earth and try never to take a nice day for granted. I love to watch things grow, whether it's a seedling, an idea, or a project, or a person. I wish I had no need for grocery stores or utility companies.

So that's me. And this is my blog. The recorded history of a 24-year old woman trying her best to become a medicine woman in this modern world.