Thoreau Was Right

This past weekend, some friends and I took a trip to Snowshoe Country Lodges up near Isabella, MN, not far from The Boundary Waters. On what was supposed to be THE coldest day of the winter so far, we had chosen to pay our hard-earned money to stay in a cabin heated only with a wood stove, with no running water or toilets, out in the middle of wolf country. We had basically agreed to exchange our creature comforts for easy access to all the breath-taking beauty of the Northwoods in the dead of winter. This was a totally new experience for me.

This picture was taken by Ron, the proprietor, after a recent snowstorm up in Snowshoe Country

"Most of the luxuries and many of the so-called comforts of life are not only not indispensable, but are positive hindrances to the elevation of mankind." - Henry David Thoreau

These are the words that kept running through my head as I took my turn pumping water for the wood-fired sauna, watching the rusty water fill the old pail in spurts. I wasn't the least bit cold, even though someone had mentioned that the high for the day was a meager 3 degrees above zero, and as I watched my breath stream from my nose and mouth I took a moment to fully appreciate my body's ability to warm itself, provided one dressed in the proper layers. As I struggled to carry the splashing bucket to the sauna, everything around me seemed crystal-clear, and I noticed that the sound of my internal monologue, that silent voice that runs my life, was oddly silent. For that moment I could truly understand what it meant to be fully present. Even though the task wasn't exactly fun - carrying a heavy bucket of well-water up a slippery slope - my mind was experiencing the peace of being fully occupied.

It's strange that, in a weekend so full of fun with friends and new experiences, one of my favorite memories involved carrying a bucket of water.

It is strange to me how much effort we make to limit our exposure to nature in its truest forms. We crank up the heat so we can lounge around the house in our summer clothes while it blizzards outside. We take for granted that hot water will come out of our taps, and that drains and pipes will carry away our dirty water to some unknown place. We rush from our door to our car in high-heels and curse the winter when we step in a puddle of slush.

Every year I hear the exact same complaint from virtually everyone: "I hate winter! Why can't it be over?" I think we need to change our approach. It's not the winter that needs to change, it's how we adapt to it -- or don't. According to Chinese medicine, disease is our failure to be able to adapt or cope with the rigors of our environment. Trying to live the same way we do during the summer is ultimately what causes winter to seem so horrible. After this weekend, I have witnessed how beautiful winter can be when one takes the time to dress appropriately and accept that yes, there will be snow and yes, it will be cold. Living in cooperation with the environment brings so much more peace and joy than struggling against it.

Part of me loves indoor plumbing all the more now because I have gone a weekend without it. But a larger part of me grieves for all that we have sacrificed for our "creature comforts." To sit on a frozen lake and watch the sun set in a still, clear sky is infinitely more profound and nourishing to the soul than to sit on a couch in a warm room and watch reruns of Family Guy.

In the coming year, I want to do all I can to keep the spirit of our winter weekend alive. I want to identify the "luxuries and so-called comforts of life" that hinder my path to peace.

With the news that Comcast and NBC have gone through with their merger, television seems like a good place to start...

The Wacky World of Wedding Planning

I wish I could tell you that I am using my wedding as an opportunity to express my newfound passion for wabi-sabi ideals and my desire to "transcend to simplicity," but I have fallen -- wholly, completely -- into the frilly morass of frivolity created by the wedding industry. At any given time, I am daydreaming about table linens, place settings, lighting, flowers... and all kinds of other things it wouldn't even occur to me to think about under normal circumstances. I'm convinced that all of the eye-catching tableaus on wedding websites are doing for my wedding the same thing fashion magazines do to my body image -- they ultimately convince me that what I thought was good enough is, in fact, not, and that it is perfectly acceptable to lust after things I can't afford and don't need. Try as I might to be rational about things, I just can't seem to get past this idea that things should be "perfect."

Starring me.

Now, maybe I should take a moment to define my concept of "perfect." Perfect is not the slick, mass-produced wedding of "Brides" magazine. Perfect is a wedding in which every detail truly represents Travis and I as a couple. I want our guests to have a sense that they have entered our world for an afternoon. I want everything to be unique to us, to have some sort of special meaning.

Beauty is in the (expensive) details. Six napkins for $36! That's only $9K for all the wedding guests! Worth it.

This goal, however, is neither cheap nor easy. Suddenly a napkin ring is not just a napkin ring. It is an opportunity for self-expression that must not be overlooked! No basic circle of paper or plastic will do. So I search online for pictures of napkin rings to get inspired, and inevitably find something that (a) is irrationally expensive, or (b) would take countless hours of labor to make. The intellectual part of my brain recognizes that napkin rings are yet another relatively pointless detail in a myriad of pointless details on what is essentially just one day out of my life, but I have now seen the cute napkin rings and will not be satisfied unless I find a way to have what I want.

This is just an example. I haven't actually fretted about napkin rings - yet. But this is the basic outline of the scenario that has repeated itself several times over the past few months. I find that this line of thinking is not bringing me any closer to having the wedding of my dreams; it is in fact steering me down a dark and expensive path that is starkly opposed to how Travis and I live our lives. And yet, it is so hard to turn back now.

A breath of fresh air: handmade wildflower bouquet

In her amazing blog called the 2,000 Dollar Wedding, the bride/blogger stresses the importance of outlining the primary goals of the wedding and returning to these goals frequently in order to stay grounded and be reminded of what is important versus what is not. Napkin rings, linens, etc. etc. will not define the day. Here's a great quote from an entry she recently posted:

"I do think ... that the Wedding Industrial Complex is a dangerous cultural entity that has the power to distract us from the significance and importance of planning a major life event. In my mind, it's a zero-sum game: The more time we spend thinking about the calligraphy and the custom monogram and the metallic color palette, the less time we have to think about how to strengthen our partnerships, to reflect on the enormity of the commitment we are about to make, and to maintain all the aspects of our lives that are totally unrelated to our weddings."

So I'm making a vow to you readers. I will focus my energy into the following areas. And if I find that something I'm stressing out about does not fit, I will stop stressing. Period.

The Pagan tradition of "handfasting" represents being bound together in the eyes of the community

1. The wedding ceremony is about uniting in front of the community we have created and asking the people we love to recognize and support our decision to start our lives together.

2. While the ceremony will primarily be about us, the reception is our opportunity to show our appreciation to our friends and family. We want everyone to feel loved and included, and that their presence specifically is important to us.

3. The details should reflect the things that are important to us: sustainability, ingenuity, the beauty of nature, and the importance of stories, music, and imagination.

We'll see how all this pans out!